Doctor's orders....

I've had a lot to deal with over the years, but the past year has been particularly stressful one way or another.  As a result I felt a bit poorly at work yesterday, and this morning took myself off to see the doctor.

It's pot luck who you get, sometimes you get Dr Nice, mostly I avoid Dr Useless, unless I know exactly what I need so I can tell her what she needs to write down.  I refuse all appointments with Dr How? (as in How Did He Become A Doctor?).

Today I got one of my favourite doctors, which makes a pleasant change.

He explained that I have hit my stress levels and that caused the funny turn at work yesterday.  As well as a two week sick note I have orders to take as much exercise as possible.

Me: I walk my dog twice a day

Dr: It needs to be fast walking

Me: She's a German Shepherd....

Dr: In that case, you need to keep up with her!

I get on really well with Dr Sarcastic! :D

Water fool...

Stella has spent most of this week being walked near water.  A couple of days ago we bumped into a black lab dog who's a bit of a ladies man (well he likes to think so) who most bitches get a bit fed up of.  He's a little boisterous with his amorous intentions.  Stella's a little vocal in her rebuff.  I was a bit gobsmacked when they played very well together and thought it might be a lovely walk with a playmate...

I think Stella is psychic.  Beau had been bathed and brushed ready for going on holiday the next day.  He wasn't allowed to get dirty.  Stella made sure he went in the muddy brook....

With an air of resignation usually reserved for me, Beau's owner decided to let him play in the water in the flood plain, and even found a stick to throw in for them.  Stella's not as daft as she makes out, and ran along the bank to get closer to the stick before leaping in.  By the time Beau got to where the stick was, Stella was on the side with a stick barking for it to be thrown back in.  Just as Beau's dad got to the stick, Stella decided to shake the water off her...

I tried so hard not to laugh my cheeks ached :D

Yesterday, I spent ages blowing up a paddling pool, which Stella went nuts in when it was in the living room.  "Fantastic, she's going to love this" I thought.  I put it outside. I spent a lot of time walking to and fro with only one small bucket to fill it.  I filled it. I called Stella.  Stella came out. Stella looked at the paddling pool. Stella turned tail and ran inside with a look of fear on her face.  Nothing, but nothing, could persuade her to get into it.  Maybe the water's too clean......

Today, Demon had an activity day with the Brownies, so as I dropped her off near a park, I thought I'd take Stella for a new walk.  Stella loved it. Stella could smell the river, which at this point is little more than a stream, but down a steep bank which is covered in vegetation. Ha! No wet car for me!  Off she went ahead, and round a corner...at which point I started panicking and called her back. No doggy....and then I heard the noise that all dog owners dread, the noise that puts the fear of god into you...

SPLASH!!

Yes, Stella had found the only access to the river...which, as it was down a steep bank, meant she picked up a fair old pace.  I suspect the ducks may have been surprised by the Tsunami that reached them....

I'm back!

Due to having an operation and generally being busier than a busy thing in busy land, I have neglected my blog of late.  But fear not!  Things are back to normal now!

Well, when I say normal it's quite possibly an ever so slightly different definition to the one found in any dictionary...anywhere....

Stella is back to her usual walks, and is behaving like a puppy again.  Well, more like an adolescent, won't listen to a word I say or do as she's told.  Recently, she found a stick.  She was told to leave the stick alone. Would she listen?  Obviously not, this is Stella after all...

Stella: Mum! Mum! I've found a stick!

ME: Leave it alone.

Stella: But Mum!

ME: Leave it alone!!

Stella:  But. Ow. Mum. Ow. I. Ow. Want. Ow. To. Ow. Play. Ow. With. Ow. It. Ow!

The 'stick' was in fact the remainder of a rose bush.  That's right, complete with thorns.  There was a bit of root left on it, which she used for a while to drag it along, but then she couldn't resist...she chewed it off.  Then she used the round part of the root...until she chewed that off too.  This being the dog who won't eat large chews or kibble because it's too difficult with her poorly teeth!  

So that left her with 4 feet of prickly stick to bounce around with.  Stella knows a lot of words now, even 'keys'.  She appears not to know 'leave'!  I had no choice but to use her intelligence to get her to leave the stick behind.

ME: Oooh Stella, what's this over here?

Stella: Oooohhhhhhh what is it Mum? It's mine! MINE! I found it! Where is it? What is it? It's mine!  I can't see anything... 

I think the doggy version of Mensa is quite safe....

Finders, Keepers...

One year ago yesterday, I went on holiday to Cyprus with my mother and daughter for my cousin's wedding.  I had mixed emotions, as I know first hand what the situation is for strays in Cyprus.

The following day, one year ago today, as we returned from our walk to find a restaurant, Mum remarked how we hadn't seen a cat.  Three minutes later, we were greeting by a tiny tabby kitten, sat on the edge of a pavement beside a busy road, miaowing for attention.  A little tabby and white kitten was following anybody who slowed down.  We stopped, as we are wont to do, to give them some attention.  From behind came an even smaller tabby and white kitten, a little shyer but no less loving.  This was our introduction to Tatwo, Tickles and Titch.  We later met TC and Midnight.  TC was the boss of the family, larger, quieter and far more streetwise than the three amigos shouting for love.  Midnight, a dark Tortoishell, was very shy, very quiet and avoided our touch.

Over the next 6 days we made regular trips to feed them.  It soon transpired that their need wasn't for food, it was for love.  Several tourists were feeding them, but none of the rescues would save them.  With the help of June and Michael, a British couple living in Cyprus and rescuing cats and dogs, and a family on holiday in the same apartments as us, we eventually managed to find them somewhere safe to go to.

Tatwo was named after my lovely, and much missed, Tabbatha.  At that time I didn't know if he was male or female, so Tabbatha Two became Tatwo.  Tickles was named after his love of tummy tickles.  Titch was named because, quite simply, he was the smallest.  TC was the Top Cat, the boss of the family, who made them hide, moved their hiding place and generally kept them as safe as he could.  Midnight, so very dark, was named by my daughter. 

They all had dirty bottoms caused by over-rich diet and milk; they were grubby, needy and so very small.

Summer, my gorgeous Tortoishell and white girl, is a month older, shy at first but firmly established as a mummy's girl, was at the rescue when the Party of 5 went to the sanctuary.  She attached herself to them and became very close to them. When my 17 year old Tinker went to Rainbow Bridge, I made the decision to bring them to the UK.  

We found them.  We've kept them.

If you can help the other cats still in need of homes, please make a donation via their Amazon wishlist or visit their website here... 

 

Buzz off!

Today I went shopping, and that meant coming home was via the back gate.  As I looked over the gate, three little fluffy heads whipped round to look at me.  All three of them stood stock still.  All three had a very guilty look on their faces...

My heart sank as I realised there was something on the ground that caught their attention; three fluffy heads soon looked away to watch whatever was on the ground moving around.  As one paw started tapping the unseen victim, I looked for another baby bird.  No sign.

I realised it was fly shaped and ignored them.  I carried on fetching the shopping in, and suddenly panicked....

As I charged down the garden path three loonies were flipping, jumping and crashing around like electric eels on acid.

Does anyone know if cats are allergic to bee stings?

Infinity is a long time...

Why are bottles of water being dragged across the floor? Why are the cats playing with straws when they have toys? Who is moving the cardboard boxes in the hall when I'm in the living room, Demon is in bed and Stella's on the sofa?  Taaaaaatwooooooooooooooo.......................!!!!!!!!!

On the plus side.....Stella Bella Umberella had to wait til this afternoon for her first walk, I just couldn't get it together after an early start for school run.  I'm not supposed to walk her yet, but she needed to go out and time before school run was about 85% shorter than it's meant to be...oops.  I usually get dragged across the road, round the corner and over to the field.  Today, with much sharp tugs on the halti and begging to 'be good...please!' I managed to get to the field in standard Earth time rather than the normal warp factor 9 speed with both arms in their sockets and my wound still sewn shut.  Fabtastic....until my mad pooch decided she was going to act her age in months rather than years....

Stella bounced around like My Little Pony, hurling her body into every puddle she could find.  She found a twig to play with and shook it til she got dizzy.  She wanted to chase the birds, but they were too far away and she's not actually that impressed by having to make an effort.  We cut across to the flood plain and that's where it happened.  The event that has her, some hours later, moaning and groaning and generally being grumpy.  I kicked her plastic bottle into the water, she threw herself enthusiastically after it....and did a great big fat belly flop.  

And the cardinal sin of all mums is you never, ever, ever...make your little girl get her face wet.  The glare that was thrown my way will last for infinity...and beyond!!

Feeling restless....

Tonight, Tatwo managed to lie down next to Summer on the sofa beside me without being eaten alive; once they were asleep they rolled over til they were arm in arm...both of them woke up....and all hell let loose as they did their best to beat the living shite out of each other!! 

Following TC catching three fledglings the other day, Titch decided today was his turn to be the hunter.  And so we took a baby bird to the wildlife sanctuary. Titch had caught it and brought it indoors, Demon spotted it quickly and shut the door so he couldn't finish the job. The fledgling ended up in a hamster cage in the pantry....where else, this is my house after all....   It spent most of the day shouting at me to be fed until I could take it to the sanctuary.

Woman: Oh we've got another one of these the same age.
Me: ....erm....yeah....we brought that one in too...last week?
Woman: Yes...are there any more?
Me: I bloody hope not!

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On Saturday, I was allowed to have my first bath after my operation.  Bliss. I was looking forward to it.  Tickles decided to help me with the relaxation process.  First of all he did his utmost to create a jacuzzi, but one paw in a deep bathful of water doesn't have much effect.  And so he went off and sat on the sink.  Soon I was entertained by the drumming of his paw on the wall trying to pull the cord for the light.  Another 1/2 lb psi and I'd have been treated to a light show extravaganza.  Tatwo did his little bit for saving electrickery and shredded a leaflet that had fallen out of my magazine, so no need for the shredder anymore, he has a new vocation. 

It would appear that not only do I need eyes in the back of my head, I need 8 arms and 3 laps.... I'm moving out...

Two long....

Following yesterday's operation, I have started 2 weeks sick leave.

As I'm not allowed to stretch or lift for two weeks, today Stella went for a walk with Demon and Grannie Annie.  Demon came home in tears because she'd put her favourite clothes on...and been dragged over by an exciteable Stella, who was already in trouble for nicking another dog's football and refusing to give it back.  Demon was upset because it's a new ball and Stella was trying to pop it, so she'd had to fight Stella for it and her finger had been scratched by a tooth.  Demon informed Grannie Annie that she was going to throw Stella's toys in the bin when she got home "because when I'm naughty I have stuff confiscated and I don't see why she should be allowed to get away with it".  She was so upset it took a tube of sweets to get over the stress...

Tatwo can't get close enough to me...for about 20 seconds and then he's off beating someone up.

Midnight has been quite cuddly...until Stella wanted to sniff her.  Midnight spat in her face and followed it with a left hook, which strangely enough didn't go down too well.  Much shouty noise from Stella.  Much more shouty noise from Stella every time someone called at next door, which is often throughout the day.  Plus the postman.  And anyone coming to our house.  I'm waiting for her to lose her voice, I have the bunting ready...

Tickles had a cuddle in bed, but after I got up, I was a poor second choice behind his bestest friend Stella.  He kissed her so much she was turning her head away as soon as he got near her.  Not going to work Stella....  Tickles puts his paw ever so gently on the side of her snout...and pulls her around for a snog.  Today she got so annoyed she turned her whole body away, Tickles ran underneath her and left his tail up high.  I swear Stella giggled like the Pilsbury boy as it tickled her tummy, and she sucked her belly in.  That takes some effort and it must have worn her out, she went back to bed.

TC has become a lapcat today, I'm sure I'll get the circulation back soon. 

Summer couldn't get closer to me if she opened my wound and climbed in...hmm hope she's not reading this...  She's resorted to lying wITH HER HEAD ON THE CAPS LOCK....so I apologise to any online friends I've shouted at today.

I'm getting the feeling it's going to be a very long two weeks..............

Homecoming at the Madhouse

My blog has been quiet of late, mainly because I have been psyching myself up for an operation I had yesterday.  A minor one, but my first time to be knocked out.  I was very concerned about a few things.

Would I fart?  Would I wake up shouting and/or swearing at everyone for waking me up?  Would I be ill and have to stay in?  

Luckily, I didn't show myself up and managed to come home the same day, still a bit woozy but home all the same.

The animals had obviously missed me.  Stella went nuts, nothing new there, she does every time she sees me.  Mum said that after the time I normally get home she kept going to the front window and looking out for me, and wouldn't settle.  She went nuts for 30 seconds then promptly went to bed.

The cats did their best to trip me up, I felt like a dyslexic Pied Piper, everywhere I went I was followed by cats.  They all made a fuss of me, Tickles and Tatwo had a punch up under my bed and got told off, so they took themselves back downstairs in a  huff.  And that was the  last I saw of them until this morning.  

That's right....for the first time in years I had the bed all to myself.   And just to make the most of it, I was in bed before 9 year old Demon!!

Sometimes I get really mad...

It is not my intention to use this blog as a political tool, but sometimes things make me really, really angry....


Nature lover bequeaths land for wildlife, but RSPCA sell it for profit.

Welcome to the sick bed...

Last night I had more than a little brandy, a reward for all my hard work.  And also to numb the pain in my neck and back from trying to dig up the rapsberry plants in my garden that I no longer want (yes, I know, that's what painkillers are for, but that's hardly rock and roll now is it?).  The cats did their best to help with the gardening by standing on the garden fork, and digging around the area I was doing my best to clear.  I gave up about halfway through.

So last night in bed, fast asleep, I heard the weather.  When I say weather, I mean wind and rain that makes Armageddon sound like a summer's day.  Which is also possible, this is Britain after all.  It was shortly after being woken up for the first time that I realised the pain in my neck was related to the migraine I was suffering from.  Not good, sleep required.

And so I spent a whole night of being woken up and making me more tired and the migraine worse, on top of the hangover, joy of joys.  But wait, what is this?  Oh, it's my IBS, deciding my body no longer wants food inside it.  

Suffice to say it was not the most restful sleep I've ever had.  I did finally drop off and slept quite soundly....before waking up and thinking I'd had a stroke.  I was completely paralysed from the waist down. I used my arms to push my upper body up and looked down my body...and there it was.  5/6 of a pride of lions.  

Ok, I know, a bit of an exaggeration, being tabbies the boys are more like tigers.  But  they were lying on my legs, and both sides, pulling the duvet tight and rendering me incapable of movement below the waist. Fantastic, perfect excuse to stay in bed.

Tatwo, realising I was awake went off to do what Tatwo does best.  Bump bump bump bump dededededededBANG.  Repeatedly.  I'm not sure if it was louder inside or outside my head.  Demon got up and fed the cats, and while they were eating Stella went outside.  Stella is not impressed by the weather and did her best to let the whole world know, and then shout to be let back in.

Mummy was rung and ordered to bring me lemonade.  Dutifully she came round and sent Demon upstairs with a can for me.

"Here's your lemonade.  I shook it up  a bit coz I forgot it was fizzy so you might want to wait a minute before you open it. See ya!"

I'm not predicting a career in nursing....

I would say just kill me, but it appears that has already happened.

Tsunami!!!

Today we were off out to the field and we saw the Labradoodles ahead of us.

After a sprint Team GB would be impressed by, we caught up with them.

Once we got into the field Stella went offlead, and finally Mr Grumpy let the Labradoodles offlead.  Boy Labradoodle loves Stella very much. Girl Labradoodle just loves running around.  Stella was gobby, so they were in no doubt that The Ball belonged to her.

Girl Labradoodle was hooning around, Stella was hooning around, and then it happened....

Stella tripped over girl Labradoodle, who carried on her way. Stella landed on her belly, legs tucked underneath her....and slid sideways about 4 feet....

...at which point the Tsunami she was causing sprayed Mr Grumpy's legs with muddy water.

Oops! :D

Feeling alarmed...

Demon set her alarm for 6 today.   It went off, woke her, me and half the neighbourhood.  She rolled over, switched it off and promptly fell asleep again.

I, however, did not.  Neither did the cats.

Fantastic, six wide awake IEDs. One fast asleep child. One wide awake mummy.

One mummy being leapt on,  two girlies having a punch up over who is going to be snuggling up to mummy, and curtains swung on until I got up (keep up, Tickles is now Tarzan remember??). 

It's the same at weekends, my new 'lie in' time is now 7am.  0700 hours.  I didn't know there were two 7 o'clocks in one day!!!!

Even Stella sleeps in at the weekend!! 

Operation Wriggly Rescue

Stella enjoyed her walk today, bouncing and hooning around.  We had to detour due to two ducks taking up residence in a puddle in her favourite field, but she was so busy trying to get the milkshake out of a discarded bottle that she failed to notice them.  She was quite interested in the three teenagers who were throwing bags of dog poo at each other, having smashed the bin to pieces.  They noticed our arrival, and decided a free-range German Shepherd was good enough reason to move on.

Demon, meanwhile, was loving the water trickling along the path like a mini river.  Until she found a worm.

Demon: Can worms swim?

Me: No, don't think so, why?

Demon: There's a worm here in the water, that means it's drowning! You have to get it out!

Me: You get it out.

Demon:  Urgh I'm not touching a worm again. Ever!  The last one poohed on me. **

Me: hahahaha yeh that was funny.

I got a bit fed up of picking worms up so Demon found a stick to do it instead.  I went back to Stella to play with her.  From the other side of the field I was kept abreast of worm rescue proceedings...

Demon: OH MY GOD!!  How many worms??!!

*************************************************************************

**Demon, when she was aged about 7 years old, decided she was going to be 'really brave' and pick up a worm.  She chose a long, fat worm.  It was quite peacefully travelling along her hand when she noticed something.

Demon: What's that stuff coming out the end of it?

Me: Which end?

Demon: That end. Is that his bum? 

At this point I couldn't speak for laughing.

Demon: Is it...? EEEUURRGGHH is it pooing on me???  It is isn't it?!?!

I nodded.  Demon flipped out and started squealing in horror.  The worm had flying lessons.

Nature...better than television!

All change...

The aminools are still letting their personalities come out.  

Tickles has stopped thinking he's a hamster.  He now thinks he's Tarzan and regularly swings from the towels hanging on the door.  I love having a tug of war while I'm trying to dry after a shower.  Honestly, I do....

Summer thinks she's an ear muff, I often wake up with one ear warmer than the other, it's a bit disconcerting to find your ear vibrating. Purrs sound so much louder when they're giving you hearing damage.

Stella thinks she's a toddler.  We went to the quagmire and she was over the moon to discover her best friends were back.  Helloooooooooooooooooooooooooo puddles!!  She was throwing her head back, dashing through them to make waves and generally bouncing around like a Spring lamb on crack.

Tatwo thinks he's a tiger and suspect he was the cause of the dead bird in the house the other day.  Not a mark on it, so where the hell did all the feathers come from?  Tatwo, I'd better not find a dead bird under my bed!!!!!!!!

I haven't found out which one has decided to be the paper shredder though....

Scent from Heaven...

Dear Stella

I don't mind washing your cushion covers. Or your bed cover. Or your blankies.

But I wish you'd remember that the reason it stinks so badly is because you KEEP GOING IN THE STINKY WATER AND THE STINKY, MUDDY PUDDLES!!!!!!!!!!

Do NOT lie on my lovely rug because your bed stinks.  I will not be impressed.

And stop farting at me because it stinks...

Love

Mum x

Seasons come and go...

Once upon a time I rescued a white kitten, he was semi feral and totally in love with my GSD Sheba.  Nobody else could get near him for a good while, he had used up several of his 9 lives already and would only answer to his original name despite being only around 4 months old.   As the seasons progressed I found myself out in the garden frantically shouting him to come in as it was snowing and starting to come down thick and fast.   After about 2 or 3 minutes I realised that the neighbours probably thought I'd lost the plot.

His name was Snowy.

Recently we've been informed that the UK is in a drought, and it's done nothing but rain since. Which makes it great fun shouting the one and only cat who hates to be inside if there is daylight left....

That's right, in the middle of a downpour or hail shower, I'm in the garden shouting Summer...

Wildcats....

Last night Demon went to Grannie Annies, which meant I could enjoy a lie-in.  The cats had other ideas...

They cats were doing their level best to wake me up early, so in retaliation I did my level best to ignore them. Until Tatwo decided to get his lower jaw stuck in his collar (no, I have no idea either) and start bouncing around the bedroom like an animal possessed and screaming in terror. It took a rugby tackle, a blanket, a dressing gown and a whole lot of bravery to hold him down while I pulled it off.

Bit extreme Tatwo...

Happy Half anniversary Stella!!!!

Exactly 6 months ago today I formally adopted Stella. She was rescued heavily pregnant and how the ladies collecting her  managed not to speak their minds to the old owners I have no idea. Stella had eaten the contents of the bin and bits of sofa she was so starved, but managed to give birth to 8 surviving puppies.

One of whom met Stella today quite by accident! Little Max, now Louis, was at a local dog rescue's fundraising open day and show, spotted his mum and went mad to come over to see her. It was only through talking to the owners that we even realised they were mother and son. Stella and Louis knew though.  There is no way they could have smelt each other that far apart, there is a link there that is far deeper than one we understand.

And Demon entered the Child Handler category...and came SECOND!! Stella's first ever show and the lady asked Demon how many shows she took part in because she was so good with Stella.

I have no idea how to top today on our one year anniversary!!!

Health n Safety...

Going to the bathroom can be a dangerous activity.  If germ warfare doesn't kill me, it's quite possible one of the cats will.

Tickles likes to jump up onto the toilet.  He did it once without seeing me lift the lid, and very nearly disappeared head first into the bowl.  He regained his balance, thought about it and decided he wanted to have a drink.  Unfortunately, he did this without me realising he'd jumped up and I nearly sat on him...  He also likes to stand on his back legs and peek over the top of the sink like a toddler.  If I should put my hand on the sink, he thinks my fingers are a moving target.  He has a good aim and I have lots of small holes in my skin.  It's like dot to dot for blind people.

Titch has a fetish about my feet.  He will come in, watch me sit on the toilet and instantly throw himself on my feet.  He will only do it, though, if I am barefoot.  I have to point out that I am extremely ticklish and most mornings start with me screeching at him to stop picking on me while my feet are moving around in random patterns trying to avoid his attention.  Brings a whole new meaning to the term bog trotter...

Midnight is still very quiet.  This assists in the 'lying in wait' ninja position at the top of the stairs.  I never have a clue she's there until it's very nearly too late.  The only time she moves from the top of the stairs is when she lies outside the bathroom door.

TC is becoming a lap cat.  He also likes to stop the circulation in my feet by lying on them at night.  Must see the vet for a diet sheet.  He likes to wrap himself around my legs whenever I'm walking, which makes getting out of the bath a bit challenging.  At least I don't have far to go before the wall breaks my fall.

The other night, very late at night, when the world was quiet, the house was in darkness and I was on my own, I started brushing my teeth.  As I bent over the sink to spit, the door banged open about 120 degrees...I nearly bit the toothbrush in half as I had a heart attack through fear.  My attacker? Summer....   Summer has a thing about opening the bathroom door. She does it whenever I take longer than she deems necessary in there.  One morning she smashed it open while I was wiping my face dry. The towel hangs on the back of the door....

And Tatwo.....is still a lunatic.