Eye witness accounts don't always match...

Doggy version

We went to the jungle today! I had to protect the VIP (Very Important Poochlover).  I managed to get her past the lake where pirates live, they're dodgy they are.  I doubled back just to recheck but then I heard mum scream for her life...I ran around to check behind trees and leaves because there is danger EVERYWHERE!!!  I went round to one blind spot to check it, then as I came back I was attacked by ninjas!! Wherever I looked there were blades of steel trying to slice my face off, but I fought back and saw them off!  I jumped from cliff to cliff checking for ninjas.  And then we made it to the helipad to wait for the incoming rescue mission and I made radio contact to inform them of our arrival....

Human version 

We went to the woods today.  Stella was desperate to get into the stagnant pond so she was kept onlead until we were well past it, but as soon as she was offlead headed back.  It took a lot of shouting to keep her out of it!  She jumped around like a lunatic, over dry ditches, behind trees, before coming face first into a holly bush!  She shook her head around and was quite surprised to find she would have to reverse to get out of it!  Then we got to the field where she hooned around like a lunatic barking her head off.

And you wonder why the Police have such a hard time with eye witness accounts???

Beauty Vs Brains...

Stella was given a Christmas present by friends, a ball launcher for tennis balls.  Double ended so it holds two balls, handy if you lose one.

Demon was beside herself with excitement when we took it to the field to play with. Stella was way out in front in confusion as to why mini human was taking a ball to play with too when she could run around after her football.

Stella enjoyed chasing the tennis ball. She did it loads.  Unfortunately, she didn't quite get the hang of picking it up and playing with it.  Stella only does that if she's stealing it off another dog and running off saying "ner ner ne ner ner..."

Demon:  Ok Stella, I'm going to throw it ok?  You're going to run after and pick it up ok?  Then you bring it back to me and I'll throw it again ok?

Stella: hmmmm.....football! What? Did you speak? Football mum, kick the football!!!

Demon: Ok Stella here we go.....go get it Stella, go fetch it...go get the ball!  Oh you dumb dog, I'LL GO AND FETCH IT THEN!

Stella: Huh? 

Hmmmm, I'm guessing Stella's not as dumb as she looks....one to one football playing and mini human exercises herself!

Little beggar!

Stella doesn't beg like normal dogs.  She looks...and looks...and then moves sooooooooooooooooooo slowly because obviously if she moves slowly I won't notice her moving!!!  Hmmm.....

Demon was eating something cheesy.  Stella isn't particularly bothered by snacks or treats, but cheese, however, is a different matter.

I told her to lie down.  I meant on her bed, which is the other side of the room.  Stella put her head on her paws, but left her bum and tail in the air.

Me:  ALL of you...

Stella: ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh  (yes, that's exactly the noise she made!)

And then she lay flat!  Whoever said animals are dumb never met a German Shepherd!

Game for a laugh...

So, tonight we popped to see friends as it is their son's birthday today.  Demon and birthday boy were playing a video game.  On the way home I asked her if she'd won the game, as she is the most competitive child on earth.

Demon: It wasn't a game where you compete against each other so there wasn't really a winner. Anyway, he's better than me so I wasn't accepting the challenge.

If nothing else, she's honest!!! :D

My dog is nails...

Stella still has her dew claws, due to her first owner not bothering to get them removed.  When she was playing football in the field, it was frozen ground due to the high water content in the soil, and she slipped. Shortly after I noticed blood on her ball and checked her over, and noticed she'd ripped the claw off.  Time for home then young Stella Bella Umberella!!

Erm, don't think so!  Twenty minutes later she was still playing football.  I got her towards the gate, where she decided she was going to wash the blood off her paw in the puddle.  That'll be the one that's frozen solid will it Stella??

Then she noticed her new friend Stone, the black Labradoodle was coming into the field, so ten minutes of playing with him kept her busy.  Right up until he TOUCHED THE BALL!!  And what's more, he did it deliberately to get her attention.  Epic fail there Stone, nobody touches the ball and is allowed to play! 

Finally, just when I thought we'd managed to get to the gate...came Maisie!  She's a 7 month old Dalmation and loopy as a loopy thing.  So, yes, on the same level as Stella.  Off they went for ten solid minutes, running around in circles...for some reason Maisie will only run in circles.  When Maisie fell over on the ice, Stella was in such hot pursuit that she landed on top of Maisie...who was nipped on the bum for tripping Stella up! 

It was around this point that she remembered she was meant to have a poorly foot....

Hi-5!

Demon, being 9 years old, tends to sit on the sofa with her legs hanging over the edge.  Stella was lying underneath them, and looked up at ten wriggly toes.  She rolled onto her back and very gently touched Demon's feet with her front paws.  She flopped back onto her side, but decided to do it again.  Once again she very gently touched her paws onto Demon's feet.  When she moved her paws away the second time, she stayed on her back.  I looked down at her and noticed she was doing something akin to gurning...

Me: Uh oh...

Demon: Wha.................UUUUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH SHE SNEEZED ON MY FEET! THAT'S DISGUSTING!!!!

Priceless moments in our house...

Jog on fella!

For a change, when we went to our quagmire/field, we followed the path round.  Where the path forked I shouted to Stella to wait, which she did.  Quite impatiently as it happens.  When a jogger ran from the right hand side of the path, Stella was over the moon.  She bounced a couple of times, at which point the poor bloke nearly fell over with shock, I think he might have been concentrating quite hard on staying upright in the mud and hadn't seen her when he came round the corner.  Stella watched him, bouncing along quite happily at the side of him.  He picked up his pace once he'd got over the shock of meeting her, presuming that he could get away from her.  Stella was delighted, and took off like a bat out of Hell.  

I could almost hear the "race yooooooouuuuuu!!"  :D

Wouldn't play ball!

We went to the woods yesterday for a bimble.  Stella still doesn't understand that if you put a ball down on a 45 degree incline, it will roll away. Yes, even squished balls roll. She hadn't noticed me continue on the path while she went to fetch it. Or speak to the lady in the similar coat who was walking in the opposite direction (ie heading towards where I'd come from).  She was mightily surprised to find a loopy German Shepherd trying to go home with her, but not as surprised as said loopy German Shepherd when she realised mum wasn't actually mum!

Stella met a rescue GSD boy approximately 1 year old.....and nearly took his face off!! He was a bit cheeky, kept running and pawing her and jumping up at her. The owner was ok, said it would teach him to behave and she was just putting him in his place. I wasn't happy at them having a go at each other though! And then, just when I'd started breathing again....he sniffed..THE BALL!!! All hell let loose.... I don't speak dog but I suspect there were more than a few expletives in there!!

 They went off homewardbound and we went down a path we hadn't been on before.  There we found a lovely babbling brook which followed the incline of the hill to the side of the path. 

Me: Go on Stella, go play.

Stella: No. 

Me: Go on, go play.

Stella at this point threw her ball into the brook and stood watching it. 

Me: Fetch the ball Stella!

Stella: YOU want to go in the water - YOU fetch it!

 I think we've hit the toddler stage....

Latchkey dog...

Tonight I was sorting out the recycling.  Went out the back door, negotiated the bombsite that is my back garden, and reached the bin.  Stella followed me out, and then I heard the pitter patter of not-so-tiny feet behind me going back into the house.

Back into the house I went.  Started washing up and heard something that sounded like the end of the world.  

Stella was barking by the front door. Lots. And loudly.

Me: STELLA!

Stella: woofwoofwoofwoofwoof

Me: Quiet!!!

Stella: woofwoofwoofwoofwoofwoofwoofwoof

Me:  STELLA! QUIET!!

Stella: woofwoofwoofwoofwoofwoofwoofwoof

Me: ENOUGH!  (usually works this!)

Stella: woofwoofwoofwoofwoofwoofwoofwoofwoofwoofwoofwoof

 Me: For god's sake........

Then I walked out of the kitchen and realised that Stella wasn't barking at the front door at all.  She was barking at the back door. From the outside...

Oops.................

When we pop over to the field, we occasionally see a grumpy git walking two bouncy dogs. They're not allowed offlead, and he doesn't speak.  If you say morning you get a 'ugh' in response. If he can be bothered. 

So, there we were, playing football, and spotted him making a beeline for us, with one dog offlead.  They're Labradoodles, one black boy and one chocolate girl.  Boy doggy and Stella met.  Nose to bum, they went round. And round. And round. And round.  And then Stella realised her ball was unguarded so she cleared off to fetch it. Little boy decided she WAS playing, and bounced around her and 'gruffed' a bit, then two nutters started haring around.  The dogs, not us.

We had a natter about Stella's background and about his two dogs.  "I can't let her offlead, she doesn't always come back.  She just stands there looking at me - she ignores me and does what she wants.  Typical woman isn't she?!"  And with that he was off, grinning.

Mind you don't trip mate......

Chip off the old block...

Demon's MSN status....- 18 Dec., 2011

Snow! Ugh! Why won't you snow sky? I'm talking to my lawyer about you.... 

No idea where she gets it from..... ;)

Star struck.

Stella hasn't enjoyed the windy weather.  Her regular followers will know she likes to be Scooby Doo, but it seems she has grander plans.  She's gone 100 yards and done the dip, do, done routine.  Dip your bum, do what needs to be done, and you're done!    Then it's a quick turn around and head off home...

And with business attended to, Stella has used the return journey to practise for her part in the remake of 'Charge of the Light Brigade', with Demon hanging onto the lead for grim death.  I didn't know Demon could fly....  I suppose I should be grateful. What with the wind speed and the size of Stella's ears, it could have been a remake of Dumbo!

Foul play...

Stella loves her football.  She loves to play the game, albeit a one sided game due to the ball being clamped in her jaws.  She will drop the ball and wait until you're about to kick it before grabbing it and running off, which often results in a knock on the head. No sense, no feeling....

Today she decided to do a sliding tackle.  We were in the field, which is essentially a quagmire. Very wet, soggy soil...well under the puddles it is. So, ball in place, foot approaching ball, dog hurtling full pelt towards ball....and not able to stop.  

A very surprised looking dog slid 5 feet towards the ball... straight past it and into my shin. 

I used a few words...it's a good job she's not a parrot!

Splashtastic!

Today Stella discovered there are some very clever dogs in the world.  And that she's not one of them...

Demon and I had lunch of cheese on toast, which was very keenly observed by Stella.  We took a mouthful, chewed it....and she swallowed for us!  She did stop short of salivating over us, but I suspect it was on her 'to do' list.  Every mouthful was coveted, despite being allowed a sneaky snack (or three!).  And then we were off  for a run around with her best friend.

 

At Tia's house they had a chat about what they had been up to since they last saw each other.

Tia: bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark

Stella: bark

Tia: bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark

Stella: BARK!

So that was Tia told.  Until she started again, so` two German Shepherds stood shouting at each other and ignored any words that sounded like 'shut' and 'up', especially when connected together.  Out and about they had a lovely time running around. Stella found a 6 foot stick and tried to get it through a 2 foot gap between trees.  Sideways.  Needless to say it didn't work....

After a trek through muddy woods we came alongside the canal.  Two little girls were very keen to get into the water but we used that naughty word.  Starts with N and ends with O.  Tia had a couple of drinks out of the canal, which were keenly observed by Stella.

Stella later spotted a stick in the canal. "I can do this!!" she thought. 

Feet curled around the edge - check!

Bum up - check!

Head down - check!

Neck stretched out as far as it can reach - check!

Leeeaaaaan out.....SPLASH!

Stella can swim. Not very well though, when she's panicking. She managed to get her front paws back over the side of the edge but that was it.  Cue Mummy running down the towpath to get there to deal with a wet dog and wailing Demon.  Stella was very good, she let me pull her up by her collar and a hand in her armpit, without a moan about it.  The look on her face when I got to her was one of terror and utter, total, complete trust that I would help her.  It will haunt me...

...until the next time I get mugged for my cheese on toast!!



Stella recovering from her swim....

No relation to Einstein...

Many moons ago, my brother trained as a chef.  He likes to cook (almost as much as he likes to eat) and reads cookbooks like normal people read normal books.  For Christmas he bought me a vegan cookbook, and asked to have a look through it.  He started reading one of the recipe's ingredients out loud...

Bro: blah blah anchovies blah blah

Me: I always thought anchovies were fish?!

Mother creature: They are!

Me: Well that's not going to be vegan then is it?

Bro: ......oh....artichokes...

And he's allowed sharp objects as well!!!